Advice on dating a much older man
"This is nothing compared to the long lines during the oil crisis," I say to my husband, Bronson, as he pulls into a particularly crowded Mobil station near the Holland Tunnel. Or could it be caused by something as shallow and immediate as a woman's not wanting anyone to think her date is her younger brother or, God help us, her son? People were siphoning fuel from their neighbors' cars in the dead of night! She's older than he is, you know." Does our culture's collective discomfort with a reversal of the usual younger woman–older man dynamic come, as scientists suggest, from a deep-rooted evolutionary instinct that drives women to choose the wiser, older, more powerful alpha male over the untested young buck?
We've been together for seven years now, and I'm so used to considering Bronson my peer that I often forget about our 13½-year age difference. In the beginning, if I wasn't thinking, Is he too young for me? someone else was thinking it for me—and blurting out, "Hey, have you seen How Stella Got Her Groove Back?There was no way I could have guessed how much older he was. So I did, and I got a mysterious answer: “Guess.” I guessed. He may be riddled with guilt about his poor life choices, or looking to re-live his youth by seeking the kind of comfort that only a gorgeous 20-something can offer. While I’m sure there are some great older, men out there, I’m choosing to date in my own age range from now on. If you don’t want to be the arm candy he keeps handy in a vain attempt to recapture his youth, I recommend not dating anyone who’s closer to your parents’ age than your own. These so-called perks are really just myths designed to mask a harsh reality—that drastic age gaps in relationships are considered creepy for a reason.Parties, rock concerts, nightclubs—I dated the way I should have when I was younger: for fun, without an eye toward marriage. When I met the older man I briefly dated, I’d been drinking. Get ready to learn the cold, hard truth about dating a much older man. Truth: If he was really any more mature, he wouldn’t be spending his time in the company of a perceived emotional inferior (if it’s true that with age comes wisdom).
And being that we all make bad decisions once we’ve had a few, I gave him my number. If I’d known that he was two years younger than my (gasp! Plus: Which Of The Seven Dwarfs Of Drinking Are You? Whereas younger studs get a hard on from merely thinking about having sex with you, his creaky body takes a lot more work to get going. You have to question why he is intent on fraternizing with women from the younger set. Truth: You may be told that in his “maturity” he has no further need to play you like a ping pong table. He’s still on his game, only now he’s better at tricking you into thinking he’s not playing games. Truth: Many guys in their 40’s an 50’s who are looking to hook up with much younger women are working through a mid-life crisis.
) mother, I probably would have given him fake digits digits instead. This dude was incredibly well-preserved and rolling with some friends who appeared to be about my age. And at that moment, it seemed appropriate to ask his age. His former priorities are in upheaval and he’s going through a second adolescence.
Maybe women feel that because girls have a head start on maturity back in the seventh grade, our emotional and spiritual equals must forever be at least five years older than we are.
Whatever part of the conventional wisdom they buy into, American women find it easy to summarily reject younger men. They could be denying themselves the most wonderful relationship of their lives.
I was married once before, to a man five years my senior.
After 12 increasingly dreary years capped by a wrenching divorce, I couldn't imagine why women in my situation (childless divorcées) complained about the prospect of reentering single life. Wasn't finally having some laughs, romance, and excitement the way to take the "crisis" out of "midlife"?